restless

I've grown restless, as has the sea.

alive

Our emotions serve great purpose; they are the strength and the weakness, they allow expression of ones innermost identity, while their presence testifies that we are still alive.

A friend of mine was telling me her grandma’s notable, yet challenging life story. She survived World War II, saw her best friend killed, and later discovered her husband had been unfaithful. Recently, being frail and lonely, she attempted suicide.

I think of my great-grandpa who is still alive and thriving at the age of 92, and all the stories he shares with me about his youth are mostly anecdotes of the war. It is hard to relate to these memories of his, especially when they are embedded with loss.  

He is a stubborn old man, who cannot finish a sentence without somehow implementing “Goddamn it” as a way of further proving his point. He remembers being deported here on Oahu, many years ago, and can still remember the exact address of his home here on the Island, which beach it was near, and the fact there was no strip mall bordering the shoreline.

As I listen to these stories and attempt to comprehend their individual situations and trials, it all seems fictitious.It is hard, at times, to see the big picture and realize how blessed we all really are.

Another good friend of mine brought up the fact that he has lived a life where he’s been able to eat three meals a day—this amazes him—when so many all over the world are barely able to scrounge a meal a week.Sometimes I catch myself complaining or getting down on myself about the smallest issues/problems, which to the majority of the world would be laughable.

I feel that everyone has moments when the natural emotion of sadness overcomes them, regardless of what exactly their current situation is. Those who have no real problems to worry about, feel the need to worry about the small insignificant things because it justifies this innate feeling of sadness. Many think that feeling sad is a bad thing, or that it somehow needs to be remedied. I disagree; we feel these things to remind us that we are alive, living, breathing creatures; that we have the ability to be compassionate, empathetic, sorrowful, and with that, joyful.

2 Nephi 2: 23 “…having no joy for they knew no misery: doing no good, for they knew no sin” 

I have learned to acknowledge these emotions and allowed them to resonate within me; these emotions are my soul speaking to my body letting me know that I am still alive.

[St. Paul] told us to be not only "as harmless as doves," but also "as wise as serpents." 
-C.S. Lewis

bedhead

"You can fool all the people some of the time. You can even fool some of the people all of the time. But you can't fool all of the people all the time." -Abraham Lincoln

I chose this picture of Abe because all the others portray him as a stiff, bearded man with a neat comb-over. This photograph seems more like the true Abe-a real man, bedhead and all.

constant battle

A group of my friends were discussing life decisions and having the ability to find the balance between realism and spiritualism. We came to this conclusion: 

If you follow your heart, logic will eventually find its place; if you choose logic, your heart may never follow.

                  

“One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.” -Richard Howard

  

Where I'm From

I am from the swing on Maddie Road,

From salty air and sand in my toes

I am from play dough stuck on the table

(sticky and tempting to eat)

I am from bougainvillea blooming on the porch,

the red like crimson scarlets its way around the fence

Like my ever growing twisted life

I am from grandmas Little Cafe

From chicken tacos and apple pie

I am from no you can't and yes you can

From shut up and I love you

I'm from moving boxes and packing tape

And a new found home where i'd hope to fit in great

I'm from many mothers, many fathers, and many friends

From Moondogies, Pismo Beach, and surfers without a leash

From Micky Mouse and Looney tunes and good old papa bear watching over Baloo

Down in the basement sit suitcases full of Barbie toys

Baby Barbie, teenage Barbie, and one day adult Barbie

There are outfits of old and outfits of new

I am from Birthday cards

From love on paper and tears in an envelope

I am from a life rubbed raw and a room of cards filled with memories

And there are still cards to be written

2010

like a dream to me...

It's so strange how listening to certain artists/songs/albums bring back memories which you thought were forgotten. The best ones are those you didn't even realize you had stored up there, but randomly come flooding back.

Madonna, especially these two songs, just did this to me.

I can still feel the fabric seats of my Ma's Honda Civic, smell the coffee on her breath as I watch her hot cup spilling while we turn a corner, I can see the blue cover of Madonna's "Ray of Light" album, and hear the songs blasting as I am being dropped off at school, lunch box in hand.